code name: B.A.L.B.O.A.
facts: scar on forehead
caused by Jeff Dahlin,
result of rock thrown
through a glass pane.
Often seen in white
Cadillac. Known to own
multiple firearms and a
kennel of white attack
dogs.
facts: scar on forehead
caused by Jeff Dahlin,
result of rock thrown
through a glass pane.
Often seen in white
Cadillac. Known to own
multiple firearms and a
kennel of white attack
dogs.
code name: The Colonel
facts: known for dirt bike
stunts and hard liquor
consumption. Proficient
in parkour. Once had jaw
wired shut. Known to have
'entertained' multiple
women at once in Costa
Rica.
facts: known for dirt bike
stunts and hard liquor
consumption. Proficient
in parkour. Once had jaw
wired shut. Known to have
'entertained' multiple
women at once in Costa
Rica.
in no particular order
code name: Ox
facts: Jeff's oldest
partner-in-crime. Once woke up
with strange woman in California
after blacking out in Las Vegas.
Master of disguise. Gambler.
Demolition derby pilot. Once
smoked his own weight in weed.
Caution: this individual not
limited to the laws of this
physical world. Once he gets
going HE WILL NOT STOP.
facts: Jeff's oldest
partner-in-crime. Once woke up
with strange woman in California
after blacking out in Las Vegas.
Master of disguise. Gambler.
Demolition derby pilot. Once
smoked his own weight in weed.
Caution: this individual not
limited to the laws of this
physical world. Once he gets
going HE WILL NOT STOP.
code name: Cornelius
facts: former male model.
Virtually indestructible.
Known to run down innocent
pedestrians on a whim.
Resistant to headlocks.
Quote: "Every cool man has
a girl on the side".
facts: former male model.
Virtually indestructible.
Known to run down innocent
pedestrians on a whim.
Resistant to headlocks.
Quote: "Every cool man has
a girl on the side".
code name: Spanish Pete
facts: able to ingest large
quantities of chemicals without
losing consciousness. Not
really Spanish. Known to
posses a large footwear
collection. Able to obtain
access into most Hollywood
events. Grows a beard only in
the winter.
facts: able to ingest large
quantities of chemicals without
losing consciousness. Not
really Spanish. Known to
posses a large footwear
collection. Able to obtain
access into most Hollywood
events. Grows a beard only in
the winter.
code name: Rad Markemeyer
facts: Once stood nearly naked
in snowstorm with a broken
collarbone, unaware of how he
got there. Almost de-clothed
again once in a Las Vegas cab
after ingesting strange pills.
Cold hearted: after losing
virginity, casually told the
girl "This is just a one-time
thing."
facts: Once stood nearly naked
in snowstorm with a broken
collarbone, unaware of how he
got there. Almost de-clothed
again once in a Las Vegas cab
after ingesting strange pills.
Cold hearted: after losing
virginity, casually told the
girl "This is just a one-time
thing."
code name: The Ostrich
facts: spends much of his
time in solitude, in a
place sometimes known as
'The Cave'. A reproducer,
he has bred a new
generation of Gourley
assassins to further his
aims and DNA chain.
facts: spends much of his
time in solitude, in a
place sometimes known as
'The Cave'. A reproducer,
he has bred a new
generation of Gourley
assassins to further his
aims and DNA chain.
code name: HB
facts: charged with
illegal dumping in late
'90's. Never in one city
for too long. Leaves a
trail of disgruntled women
in his path. Part owner,
along with Squarehead, of
ocean-going yacht.
Unofficial Mayor of
Huntington Beach, CA.
facts: charged with
illegal dumping in late
'90's. Never in one city
for too long. Leaves a
trail of disgruntled women
in his path. Part owner,
along with Squarehead, of
ocean-going yacht.
Unofficial Mayor of
Huntington Beach, CA.
code name: Sasquatch
facts: a former bouncer
turned media figurehead.
Fearless driver. Injured
thumb from motorcycle
accident 'will never be
the same again'. Turns
down willing Reef models
seeking sexual favors.
Has been seen wearing a
helmet on commercial
airline flights.
facts: a former bouncer
turned media figurehead.
Fearless driver. Injured
thumb from motorcycle
accident 'will never be
the same again'. Turns
down willing Reef models
seeking sexual favors.
Has been seen wearing a
helmet on commercial
airline flights.
code name: Flembob
mission: audio manager
facts: Holds government
security clearance. Known to
grow strange forms of fungus.
Encyclopedia-like knowledge
of most major world cities.
Known to use alternative
tactics to ingest substances
in pill form; i.e. 'the
second knuckle method'.
mission: audio manager
facts: Holds government
security clearance. Known to
grow strange forms of fungus.
Encyclopedia-like knowledge
of most major world cities.
Known to use alternative
tactics to ingest substances
in pill form; i.e. 'the
second knuckle method'.
code name: The Navajo
mission: usher
facts: known to pursue
assailants on foot.
Famous quote to foreign
police force: "Pharmacia
no bueno". Can go for
periods of time living
on nothing but 'lil
smokie links'.
mission: usher
facts: known to pursue
assailants on foot.
Famous quote to foreign
police force: "Pharmacia
no bueno". Can go for
periods of time living
on nothing but 'lil
smokie links'.
code name: The Gute
mission: usher
facts: able to ingest
great quantities of
alcohol. Victorious over
all other challengers in
2009 Oktoberfest chug
competition. Scars on
chest from 'pinning'
ritual.
mission: usher
facts: able to ingest
great quantities of
alcohol. Victorious over
all other challengers in
2009 Oktoberfest chug
competition. Scars on
chest from 'pinning'
ritual.
code name: Quagmire
mission: usher
facts: Has engaged in
sexual relations with
hundreds of unwitting
women. Expelled from
public school in younger
days. Known to have
buried stolen loot in the
Arizona desert.
mission: usher
facts: Has engaged in
sexual relations with
hundreds of unwitting
women. Expelled from
public school in younger
days. Known to have
buried stolen loot in the
Arizona desert.
To each agent:
This mission, if you choose to accept, also includes your
attending of the rehearsal dinner on Thursday, August 19th 2010
(Location TBD).
You will NOT be required to rent tuxedos for the wedding.
Simply wear a black suit with a white shirt. I will provide
ties.
Dave, Pete, Justin: I would like you to help with the music
during the reception. We will discuss this at a future date.
Each groomsman will be requested to help with video duties for
20-30 minutes each. Video camera to be provided.
This mission, if you choose to accept, also includes your
attending of the rehearsal dinner on Thursday, August 19th 2010
(Location TBD).
You will NOT be required to rent tuxedos for the wedding.
Simply wear a black suit with a white shirt. I will provide
ties.
Dave, Pete, Justin: I would like you to help with the music
during the reception. We will discuss this at a future date.
Each groomsman will be requested to help with video duties for
20-30 minutes each. Video camera to be provided.
| Bachelor party planning is underway. Be prepared. |
Transmission start:
If you are viewing this page, you have been selected for an
important mission. This page is confidential and is for your
eyes only.
Squarehead Jeff Dahlin will be married on August 20, 2010.
Your presence is requested for security and hard drinking.
In the 1990's, a select gang of misfits caused destruction
and general disruption of society throughout the Western
states. It is my hope these individuals will converge again
this summer...as part of my wedding party.
If you are viewing this page, you have been selected for an
important mission. This page is confidential and is for your
eyes only.
Squarehead Jeff Dahlin will be married on August 20, 2010.
Your presence is requested for security and hard drinking.
In the 1990's, a select gang of misfits caused destruction
and general disruption of society throughout the Western
states. It is my hope these individuals will converge again
this summer...as part of my wedding party.