the movie based on my life?
celebrity in my own mind for quite a while, but it's been tough
waiting for other people to come around. Nevertheless, it's a
forgone conclusion that someone will eventually make a film
that is based on my experiences. I'm not sure who's going to
play me (Morgan Freeman, perhaps?) but I'm damn sure who will
be cast as my friends. Please, view the below page if you'd
like to know as well.
comparison for years, and there's a good reason why: he
looks just like this dude--the oldest brother from the pop
group Hanson.
If I were Jason, I'd use this fact to score with underage
girls.
Dahlin Bros. He'd be unstoppable except for the fact that
he almost never showers or brushes his teeth. Which is why
Haley will only have sex with him on Tuesday, or 'Washin'
Day", as Jon calls it.
Skipper. Except instead of crashing 'The Minnow', Jason could
drive around in his Toyota, making right turns and hitting
pedestrians (as he's known to do).
similarities between Cornelius and Mr. Slave. Once, I even
saw Jason sit on Paris Hilton and get her completely inside
of his rectum. "Jesus Christ!"
the left. Back in the late 90's, Pete would sometimes get
mistaken for that dude when we went to shows.
These two have actually met a few times. The main
difference between them is that Aaron still fronts a rock
band, while Pete chills out on the couch, getting high and
watching 'My Super Sweet 16' over and over again. Man, I
fucking hate that show and I end up watching it with him
pretty regularly.
Paul Giamatti in the movie 'Sideways'. I am sure Ryan is
thrilled about this.
Ryan had a couple bottles of wine stashed at my house and I
drank 'em. Don't worry Ry, I'll replace them soon and they
won't be 'fucking merlot'.
from 'Fast Times' and mix it with Napoleon Dynamite.
During my last conversation with Rademeyer, I told him the
following:
"First of all Rad, you never let on how much you like a
girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots.
"Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever
you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four,
when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order
for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will
have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no
ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rad. When it
comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one
of Led Zeppelin IV."
Mark did score with the girl but I got her pregnant a short
time later. Son of a bitch!
completely shaved head, a mustache, and his shirt unbuttoned
except for the very top button. We were all like "What the
fuck?" but he rolled with it, and for the rest of the weekend
we told everyone in Vegas he was the 'King of Cars' guy.
once when we were IN Mexico. He went out to the clubs with a
box that said 'Your Name on a Grain of Rice - $5'. He said
the weirdest thing about it was that the locals would come up
to him and just start talking to him in Spanish, assuming
that he was one of their own.
just like Champ from 'Anchorman', especially if he goes bald
on top. On the other hand...
bore a striking resemblance to
Jughead Jones, from Archie
comics. Once I took a photo
of Gute in a crown and it was
uncanny.
Just as Jughead loves
cheeseburgers and can consume
more of them than anyone, Gute
can consume more cans of
Miller Lite than anyone.
me of Ashley. It's not so much that they look similar
(although when Ash wears her black rimmed glasses, they
look like they could be sisters), but it's more related to
how they both can get flustered and have a little half
smile that they seem to break out often. Ashley hates it
when I compare her to Tina Fey.
comics. Often times, I'll notice similarities between some
of the characters and my friends. I already pointed out the
similarities apparent between Bukolt and the Skipper, as well
as Gute and Jughead. Maybe I'm full of shit but here are a
few more that always cross my mind:
Betty. They're both sweet,
cute blondes who always seem to
be pretty cheerful.
Justin, you'd better not fuck
up this relationship like you
fucked up all of the other ones.
Professor. I bet Dave
really could make a
geiger counter our of a
coconut. The difference
between them, I would
assume, is that The
Professor wasn't into
watching videos of live eels inserted into the anuses of Asian
schoolgirls.
that he reminds me of
Reggie Mantle. They've
both got black hair, they
can both be kind of cocky,
and they're both total
assholes to females. Call
me back Salem! We need to
hang out.
Veronica Lodge because they
both have dark hair, winning
smiles, and they can both be
total prissy bitches. Amity
won't eat anything white and
she orders her sushi wrapped
in soy paper instead of
seaweed. Grow up Amity.
that Mrs. Lovey Howell is a
good stand-in for Kyle.
After all, they both liked to
get fucked by rich old men.
compare to Ginger, and that's Ms. Lindsay Dennis. See that
large photo, the one with Lindsay on the red carpet? Well, I
was there too, and guess who WASN'T allowed to step in front of
the cameras? That's right, me. But Lindsay's not a prim,
finicky girly-girl all of the time. I took her to the Warped
Tour this year and the girl took 6 beer bongs in the fucking
parking lot! I half expected her to start punching skinheads
and calling them pussies.
to do with Archie or
Gilligan's Island, but I
just remembered this one.
I've always told Mikey Thal
that the actor pictured on
the left is what I think
he's going to look like
when he gets older.
I remember the last time I
told him this, Mikey said
"Well, that fuckin' sucks."
photo of Nick in an earlier
update, but here's what I
meant when I said I could
see him becoming some fat
Italian guy who smokes
cigars and breathes real
loud.
this page. I've got some other updates in the works, so be
sure to check back. In the meantime, don't forget the motto:
